I used to believe I was the luckiest writer on Earth. But I have found one person less deserving of his success than I am: Bernie Taupin. The guy answered a magazine ad for a lyricist, gets teamed up with Elton John and gets half the cash every time Crocodile Rock plays?  I mean the guy doesn’t even re-read his stuff. Sure, Mars is cold, but hell? Not so much. Would Hallmark put out a Valentines Day card with the sentiment, “Time on my hands could be time spent with you”? How quickly would a woman at a bar laugh in your face if you opened with, “I hope you don’t mind that I put down in the words how wonderful life is with you in the world.” Also, try asking her to be your acrobat.

 

Sure lots of songs have stupid lyrics, but the person who wrote them also wrote the music.

The craziest part is, he doesn’t even have to make the words fit the music. The guy conned Elton John into writing music around his brilliant words. He didn’t even deliver much of a word count: More than 11% of the lyrics to Philadelphia Freedom are “shine a light.”

His sad songs actually say very, very little. Sure, Levon and Mona Lisas and Mad Hatters are pretty, but Whitesnake had two good songs too. Let’s it put it this way: if I were an art buyer and Bernie Taupin were a sculptor, then again, no.

 

If you need more proof of his luck, Taupin’s second biggest non-Elton John hit was writing the lyrics for These Dreams by Heart, which is the most literal song about dreaming ever created. The chorus:

These dreams go on when I close my eyes

 

His biggest non-Elton John hit? Starship’s We Built This City.